Boys don’t cry, but they should
Skip to main content
  • Home
  • Economy
    • Aviation
    • Bazaar
    • Budget
    • Industry
    • NBR
    • RMG
    • Corporates
  • Stocks
  • Analysis
  • World+Biz
  • Sports
  • Features
    • Book Review
    • Brands
    • Earth
    • Explorer
    • Fact Check
    • Family
    • Food
    • Game Reviews
    • Good Practices
    • Habitat
    • Humour
    • In Focus
    • Luxury
    • Mode
    • Panorama
    • Pursuit
    • Wealth
    • Wellbeing
    • Wheels
  • Epaper
  • More
    • Subscribe
    • Videos
    • Thoughts
    • Splash
    • Bangladesh
    • Supplement
    • Infograph
    • Archive
    • COVID-19
    • Games
    • Long Read
    • Interviews
    • Offbeat
    • Podcast
    • Quiz
    • Tech
    • Trial By Trivia
    • Magazine
  • বাংলা
The Business Standard

Thursday
February 02, 2023

Sign In
Subscribe
  • Home
  • Economy
    • Aviation
    • Bazaar
    • Budget
    • Industry
    • NBR
    • RMG
    • Corporates
  • Stocks
  • Analysis
  • World+Biz
  • Sports
  • Features
    • Book Review
    • Brands
    • Earth
    • Explorer
    • Fact Check
    • Family
    • Food
    • Game Reviews
    • Good Practices
    • Habitat
    • Humour
    • In Focus
    • Luxury
    • Mode
    • Panorama
    • Pursuit
    • Wealth
    • Wellbeing
    • Wheels
  • Epaper
  • More
    • Subscribe
    • Videos
    • Thoughts
    • Splash
    • Bangladesh
    • Supplement
    • Infograph
    • Archive
    • COVID-19
    • Games
    • Long Read
    • Interviews
    • Offbeat
    • Podcast
    • Quiz
    • Tech
    • Trial By Trivia
    • Magazine
  • বাংলা
THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 02, 2023
Boys don’t cry, but they should

Family

Promila Kanya
16 April, 2020, 01:25 pm
Last modified: 16 April, 2020, 01:40 pm

Related News

  • Pope breaks down and cries while mentioning Ukraine at public prayer
  • US woman charged extra $11 for crying during surgery
  • Taliban reopen schools for Afghan boys, girls still not allowed in classes
  • Harpic’s company may not know boys use toilets too

Boys don’t cry, but they should

Data shows that on average, women cry 30 to 64 times a year, while men cry between five to seventeen times in the same period

Promila Kanya
16 April, 2020, 01:25 pm
Last modified: 16 April, 2020, 01:40 pm
Boys don’t cry, but they should

Sunny is a second grader. Although he is good in English and Arts, he is weak in maths and science. A few days ago, his teachers called his parents and reported his falling grades.

Enraged by his poor marks, Sunny's father rebuked him sharply. When he started to cry, the father screamed at him "stop crying like a girl, behave like a boy."

Sunny covered his face with his hands and wept.

There are many boys like Sunny, who grow up with the pressure of not being expressive enough of their emotional agony. They are told that boys are not allowed to cry – hence forced to supress their hurt, and hide their vulnerability.  

While women are allowed to lament, vent and howl to express their emotions, it seems men are forbidden from doing any of these.

Data shows that on average, women cry 30 to 64 times a year, while men cry between five to seventeen times in the same period.

The society usually uses phrases like "be a man", "man up" and "don't be a wuss", which indicates that being emotionally vulnerable is feminine and forbidden for men.

Stifling tears, holding back emotions and not letting go of grief is unhealthy, both physically and psychologically.

"There are three development components associated to human beings – cognitive, moral and socio-emotional growth. The last one is about being able to love, to laugh at something funny and feel bewildered, jealous etc. In other words, emotions which we cannot deny," said Helal Uddin Ahmed, associate professor of Child Adolescent and Family Psychiatry at National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) and Bangladesh Programme Manager at the World Health Organisation (WHO).

"The learning process in children gets augmented when their emotional intelligence increases. However, the development is hindered when we integrate error learnings such as forbidding boys from crying," he said.

The doctor pointed out that when emotions are not ventilated, they turn into a suppressive habit, which can lead to damages to emotions, behaviours and thought process, gradually leading to a personality disorder.

It has been scientifically proven that crying is healthy because it can relieve pain, anger and frustration, and also lower blood pressure. Bottling up negative emotions has been linked to higher risk of cardiovascular diseases.

In his book titled "Crying: The mystery of tears" American neuroscientist Dr William H Frey II revealed that crying relieves stress and tears remove toxins from the body.

"Emotions are not gender biased. In real life, every individual has their own way of expressing emotions. Some cry, some do not," said Dr Ashique Selim, consultant psychiatrist and managing director of Psychological Health and Wellness Clinic (PHWC).  

"Unfortunately, in some societies expressing grief or crying has been attributed to being feminine. Boys are told that crying is girly which result in suppressing their emotions," he added.

The doctor also pointed out that children are usually restricted from showing anger, as it is "culturally inappropriate".

"When we do not express our grief, these supressed emotions become internalised, and can turn into anger or mental illness, such as depression or anxiety," he said.   

"Such actions are toxic," he said adding that on many occasions, these stereotypes are being perpetuated by mothers.

"How men and women should behave is set by the society they live in. There is no biological basis to it. We teach boys not to cry and they grow up believing that they cannot share their feelings and emotions. This way, we make them more vulnerable to abuse," said Farzana Sultana Nila, clinical psychologist at Centre for Mental Health and Care, Bangladesh.

"In many cases where young boys are abused, they tend to hide them, since they are told to not cry or express emotions. As a result, negative emotions pile up and aggression builds up inside. At the same, young girls also grow up thinking that they are weaker and more emotional, which erodes their confidence. Ultimately what happens is that men and women both grow up without channelling accurate feelings."

Sticking gender labels on emotions is wrong – if men want to cry, they should cry, without anyone refraining them from doing so.   

Features / Top News

boys / cry / don't cry / emotion

Comments

While most comments will be posted if they are on-topic and not abusive, moderation decisions are subjective. Published comments are readers’ own views and The Business Standard does not endorse any of the readers’ comments.

Top Stories

  • Song of the farmers as boro begins
    Song of the farmers as boro begins
  • Country's external position improves as trade deficit narrows by 21% in H1 FY23
    Country's external position improves as trade deficit narrows by 21% in H1 FY23
  • Infograph: TBS
    Remittance inflow increases 15% in January

MOST VIEWED

  • Take everybody to work every day. Photo: Tiffany Hagler-Geard/Bloomberg
    In a pandemic, every day is bring-your-child-to-work day
  • Photo: Collected
    The compromised post-pandemic generation
  • Find contentment with your family while staying home
    Find contentment with your family while staying home
  • ‘To be a mom you need to be a superwoman’
    ‘To be a mom you need to be a superwoman’
  • A bid for the perfect match 
    A bid for the perfect match 
  • Parenting: A predicament during the pandemic
    Parenting: A predicament during the pandemic

Related News

  • Pope breaks down and cries while mentioning Ukraine at public prayer
  • US woman charged extra $11 for crying during surgery
  • Taliban reopen schools for Afghan boys, girls still not allowed in classes
  • Harpic’s company may not know boys use toilets too

Features

An elderly couple's lonely battle to save Dhaka's trees

An elderly couple's lonely battle to save Dhaka's trees

14h | Panorama
Infographic: TBS

How to redirect inward remittances to formal channels

16h | Panorama
Photo: Bloomberg

How the 'madoffs of Manhattan' can unravel Gautam Adani's empire

15h | Panorama
Photo: Collected

Tips to incorporate sustainable construction

1d | Habitat

More Videos from TBS

Is Hathurusingha the most successful coach of Bangladesh?

Is Hathurusingha the most successful coach of Bangladesh?

5h | TBS SPORTS
Semiconductor, pharma should get more attention

Semiconductor, pharma should get more attention

7h | TBS Round Table
Dhali Al Mamun’s art depicts colonial impact

Dhali Al Mamun’s art depicts colonial impact

6h | TBS Stories
Jewel's humanitarian store

Jewel's humanitarian store

4h | TBS Stories

Most Read

1
Bapex calls candidates for job test 9 years after advert!
Bangladesh

Bapex calls candidates for job test 9 years after advert!

2
Photo: Collected
Energy

8 Ctg power plants out of production

3
Photo: Saqlain Rizve
Bangladesh

Bangladeshi university students identified as problematic users of Facebook, internet: Study

4
Photo: Collected
Court

Japanese mother gets guardianship of daughters, free to leave country

5
Fund cut as Dhaka's fast-track transit projects on slow spending lane
Infrastructure

Fund cut as Dhaka's fast-track transit projects on slow spending lane

6
The International Monetary Fund (IMF) logo is seen outside the headquarters building in Washington, U.S., September 4, 2018. REUTERS/Yuri Gripas/File Photo
Economy

IMF approves $4.7 billion loan for Bangladesh, calls for ambitious reforms

EMAIL US
[email protected]
FOLLOW US
WHATSAPP
+880 1847416158
The Business Standard
  • About Us
  • Contact us
  • Sitemap
  • Privacy Policy
  • Comment Policy
Copyright © 2023
The Business Standard All rights reserved
Technical Partner: RSI Lab

Contact Us

The Business Standard

Main Office -4/A, Eskaton Garden, Dhaka- 1000

Phone: +8801847 416158 - 59

Send Opinion articles to - [email protected]

For advertisement- [email protected]