Noble Man belongs in Arkham Asylum?

Noble Man, a reality show singer, seemingly pulled a prank on social media to promote his new song 'Tamasha.' The title of the song is self-explanatory.

The (glorified) cover singer posted a status on Facebook that roughly translated to: "No good music was created in the last decade in Bangladesh. I'll teach the so-called 'legends' how to do it in 2020!"

Although that status was deleted, but nothing is really lost on the internet. Hours later, he came up with an explanation: "The status was a publicity stunt for my new song. Ektu tamasha korlam (I just cracked a joke)." Keyboard warriors did not flinch to counter-attack the post. "How dare he make such derogatory comments about our great musicians! He is a nobody!" some commented.

Before you reach any conclusion, I beg a trivial question to all of you: Why does this dude call himself Noble Man? Why did he put his gender as his surname? (I know it's a stage name, pal. Hold your horses.)

I, however, detect something far more sinister. Is he trying to pose as a superhero? Almost every male superhero has the word 'man' as the last name of their alter-ego. Some villains do, too. But considering the cheap stunt he pulled regarding 'Tamasha', Noble Man ain't no hero.

So, is Noble Man a supervillain? Let's assume for a moment that he is. Now, let me commit a pop-culture crime and fancy him as a villain from the DC Universe. More precisely, a villain from Gotham city.

By now, you must be wondering why I dragged Batman into this tamasha. But guys, the next Batman reboot has been pushed to 2021 and all we can do is wait. Meanwhile, let us indulge in some batsy humour to beat the shutdown blues.

If Noble Man is a supervillain in Gotham city, then commissioner Jim Gordon will definitely arrest him (with the help of Batman, of course) and put him in the Arkham Asylum, since he has shown fair signs of insanity just to promote a song.

For those of you who don't know, Arkham Asylum is a psychiatric hospital cum prison in Gotham. All the criminally insane villains of the Batman series are admitted into this facility for treatment.

If Noble Man, the hypothetical villain, finds his way into Arkham Asylum, how would the MVPs of Gotham crime scene react to his arrival? Let's roll with the plotline I conjured.

Noble Man, donning a hat and a guitar slinging by the straps on his shoulder, enters his designated room. His first day as a one of the inmates couldn't be worse because the real gangster of Batman mythos, The Joker, is housed in the room next to his. Noble man starts to tremble in fear. He knew what the clown prince was capable of.

But Noble Man was in luck. The Joker has already fled the asylum for the umpteenth time. But Poison Ivy, Mad Hatter, The Riddler and more bad boys were just warming up to bully the new kid in the block - the musical criminal, Noble Man.

Mad Hatter steps inside Noble Man's room and immediately lands a smack across his face. "Nobody gets to wear a hat in Arkham Asylum but me!" Mad Hatter shouts in anger.

Noble Man took a moment to digest the humiliation. Mad Hatter leaves the room, but Noble Man's misery had just started to brew. Poison Ivy, The Riddler, Bane, Two Face, all the bad boys started to circle Noble Man. Cue a bullying scene from Prison Break.

Two-Face demands a coin flip, the others agree.

If it is heads, Noble Man will have to do a thousand sit-ups (read: kan dhore uthbosh) every day," Two-Face declares.

"If it's tails, well, he will have to do only one more sit-up. That means a thousand and one," said Two-Face as he grimaces.

Noble Man was in tough luck. Two-Face could always manipulate coin flips. He made it a tail. "Start the sit-ups, honey," Poison Ivy said.

"I'll do the counting!" The Riddler volunteered.

Ever since that day, Noble Man has been doing sit-ups over and over again. For being the trickster that he is, The Riddler started counting again from one as soon as Noble Man had done a thousand sit-ups. "Start from the beginning, boy. I lost my focus," The Riddler said.

From that day, Noble Man has been doing the sit-ups for hundreds and thousands of time everyday but the punishment is still petty for the sacrilege he had committed.

How dare he degrade legendary musicians of our country?