How I found out about my eating disorder

I first heard about the term "bulimia'' in a youth show on MTV.

I did not understand the term then but years later, I finally understood it when my friend diagnosed me with a similar disorder.

Now, before going any further, I should mention that there are many forms of eating disorder.

I never binged and purged.

Rather, I used to binge eat huge amount of food and spend other days dieting like crazy.

Growing up, I started to become fascinated with fast food items like burgers, donuts, and fries.

Every single day, while going to the coaching from school directly, I and my friends used to stop at a Shumi's Hot Cake outlet.

While coming back from the coaching, I again stopped somewhere to either get chips, chocolates or soft drinks.

This is how started to gain weight; it increased from 50 kilos to more than 70 kilos within a span of three years.

I was constantly bullied by my relatives for my weight. I was a subject of joke during discussions between cousins. Even though I used to laugh along, they used to break my heart every time.

One month before my freshman year, the university admission war finally ended. I got enrolled at a preferred university and wanted to go to Europe before my classes started. However, my father was not willing to spend that much money on a trip for us.

So, I made an agreement with him. If I lost five kilos within the next 25 days, he will allow us to go.

Considering the fact that this was impossible for me, my father agreed with my conditions. He was so sure about my failure that it became the source of my motivation.

This led to the beginning of my eating disorder. I searched various diets on the internet and finally found something fascinating.

This diet promised to make someone lose one kilo in only two days. For someone who knew nothing about health and nutrition, this seemed like a blessing from heaven.

I will not reveal the details of my diet because I do not want to trigger anyone, nor do I support this kind of unhealthy living.

However, I was successful in losing eight kilos with my crash diet in 16 days.

It was impossible but I somehow did it.

It has been two years since I started my university. For the last two years, I have become obsessed with my weight.

I could not stop eating fast food but I also did not want to become fat again. The only way I could control my weight was by doing crash diets.

I became so immersed in how I look that I started to ignore other important things in my life.

My happiness started to depend on the numbers displayed on the weight machine.

I eventually became an emotional eater; I used to eat whenever I was upset or even when I was happy. 

A few months ago my best friend, who is a medical student, finally diagnosed my condition as an eating disorder.

The first step to solving any problem is accepting the fact that you have a problem.

I was happy that I could properly learn of my problem.

I started researching on the internet and learnt how millions of people are suffering from the same thing as me. It made me feel normal. It made me feel like I was not alone in this world.

I tried to talk to my parents about it but I could not make them understand that eating less than normal was actually a huge problem.

They could not understand that their daughter could not stop eating even if she wanted to.

Nevertheless, I am not a person who depends on others to resolve her own issues.

I started watching recovery stories of people suffering from eating disorders on YouTube and they motivated me.

For me, this quarantine has been a blessing in disguise. It has been three months and I am finally at a better place.

Yes, I still binge eat when I am upset and I still have a long way to go.

But at least, I have acknowledged my problem and I am working towards it by trying to follow a healthy lifestyle.

Even though people are not aware yet, eating disorder is a real problem. It can easily lead to bigger issues such as depression.

So, it is our responsibility to become more aware of this problem and help ourselves and anyone else suffering from it.