Lighter vein: Captain Trump of the RMS Titanic

There isn't an iceberg.

There was an iceberg but that's in a different ocean.

The iceberg is in this ocean but it will melt very soon.

There was an iceberg but we didn't hit the iceberg.

We hit the iceberg, but the damage will be repaired very shortly.

It's a Chinese iceberg.

We are taking on lifeboats and every passenger who wants a lifeboat can get a lifeboat. They are beautiful lifeboats. Look, passengers need to ask nicely for the lifeboats if they want them.

We don't have any lifeboats, we're not lifeboat distributors.

Passengers should have planned for icebergs and brought their lifeboats.

I don't think we need many lifeboats.

We have lifeboats and they're supposed to be our lifeboats, not the passengers' lifeboats.

The lifeboats were left on the shore by the last captain of this ship.

Nobody could see the iceberg.